The Blog Farm

The Blog Farm

Monday, August 13, 2012

AFFIRMING OURSELVES HELPS THE HEALING PROCESS

Our abusers had to have control to keep us from telling. As a small child we believed whatever they told us. We were just children living in an adult world of deceit, lies, and the feeling of always being afraid. If you are an incest survivor as I am, I found the love I was seeking from my father, because I never received it from my mother.

My father was the kind one who never hit me and showed me love, but the wrong kind, but as a child I didn't realize it. I knew what he did didn't feel right, but I didn't stop it, and as I got older I blamed myself because I didn't say no, I didn't
tell.

How does a child tell? We are small, we had no control over what was done to us. We as the adult now must realize that we were NEVER to blame, no matter what.

This is where the affirmations come in. We need to affirm to tell ourselves it's ok, "I was not to blame, I was that small child who had no voice."

We must love that small child "Our Inner Child" because she/he is waiting for us, waiting to be affirmed, tell her that you love her, that she is safe. She/he may not hear you at first, but if you keep talking to her/him, little by little they will start to trust you. Remember the "inner child" in us has been locked up inside for years, mine has been for almost 55 years because for one thing I didn't even know that she existed in me until I started to do some Inner child work with my therapist. At first I thought it was silly and crazy to talk to yourself, but that is how we reach her/him, by becoming that child again, getting on the floor, playing with toys, colouring, going for a swing, everything a child wanted to do but couldn't because she/he was too afraid.

The abuser held us captive, a "trophy" for his shelf so to speak. Our little selves were so scared, that all we could do is cope,, anyway that helped us to try and gain control , but often times it failed, we often chose the wrong pathway, we held it all inside of us. That is something I did for almost my whole life. AS a child I was quiet, always keeping quiet, anything that was done to me either sexually by my father, or my mother's cousin, or done emotionally and physically by my mother. I carried all the hurt inside of me, for only myself to feel, it was my secret. I didn't know how to say kind things to myself, would often hate myself,, wish I was dead, hated being adopted into this family, these were all I knew only negative not kind thoughts.

But, we need to tell ourselves that we are good, we need to love ourselves and to say "I love me, I am good, God loves me, so I must be a good person, because God doesn't make junk." Telling ourselves over and over that we are worth all there is to live for. That we want to live and leave our past behind us especially if we want to heal inside.

As we are healing, the negativity we feel will often come out and we may feel that we are making no progress, and then we just want to give up, we say "what's the use, I don't care any more," but we need to care, care for our little selves who are too afraid to speak out. Affirmations are a very positive way of getting the feeling of loving ourselves. Don't be afraid to say all the positive things that you never heard as a child

You're stupid..........................say, no I am not, I am smart, God gave me a great
brain to learn with

You are ugly...........................say no, I am beautiful inside and out

You are lazy...........................say No I am not lazy

You are good at nothing.........Say I have a lot of good qualities inside of me, I am
caring and loving

These are some of the affirmations you could say to yourself, of course there are many more, but say affirmations to yourself every day, and you will start believing it.

When you finally believe what you are saying, then your healing journey is beginning. We can't change if you don't start the healing process.

I was stuck in time for so many years, that I found it too hard to change. I lived my childhood doing as I was told, always pleasing, but inside I was hurting, but no-one could see it, only me. As an adult, I kept that buried, not revealing my secret to my husband until about 15 years ago, what a relief I felt inside like the world was lifted from my shoulders.

If there is someone you can tell, tell them, let it out, this is another start to your road in healing. Don't hide from yourself, above all make you number one, you are the the important one in all this, you and that small inner child that is locked up. When you send affirmations to her, you are affirming yourself also. Being negative will only drive you deeper into the world of self pity, you will always be "stuck," the past will always control you. I am willing to let go and be more positive, to live, how about you? Do you want to be stuck in the past, do you want the past to rule your everyday life? I hope you can answer No to this. Be positive, affirm yourself and that little child in you. Healing is a long journey, but so worth it. For me, it has taught me so much, has taught me who I really am, that I can control my life now, although sometimes I fall back two steps and must re-affirm that it's ok, it will get better.

Your life is your destiny. Take control of it, release yourself and that inner child inside of you. Tell yourself that you are going to be ok, you are loved, and are an important person, take that control away from the abuser,, show them that we are not in control and we love ourselves above everything else....I hope that this helps you in your journey to heal and affirm who you are...God Bless!!!!

2 comments:

CRUISEROO said...

HI Mary

Thanks for leaving your comments and blog address on my own blog at Vigaland:

and for adding me to your blogroll. I'm most happy to do the same for you. Lovely meeting you. I also left you a reply/comment on my own blog post. Please check it out if you don't get one by email. Thanks!

Viga

CRUISEROO said...

Just re-reading your post here Mary. What you heard from your dad is what I heard from mine. And I bet we have lots of company. These abusers all use the same manipulative remarks to keep us under. Your affirmations are vital for healing. I hope lots of folks read your posts and heed your wisdom to "come out from under" and share their pain as you and I are doing.