Wednesday, May 7, 2008
I have watched this video over and over again, and it is so true, to forgive ourselves is to move on. But it is something that is so hard to do, we find it easier to forgive others and not ourselves. "To let go of the past, to forgive one-self is to heal one-self". You know, hearing that, I know it's the right thing to do, but I can't seem to let go even though hanging onto it keeps the hurt and pain deep inside you, and there is no way you can move on. Negative energy and hurt from the past only keeps the pain alive.
Why is it so hard to move on? Why can't we see that agonizing over this only hurts us more? I find it a hard question to answer.
I have gone over this while in therapy, I know that when my therapist tells me these things, that she is right. But it just eats away at you. You can't seem to let go. It eats away at your mind, at your soul, never letting you forget.
Is it the depression that makes you think this way? Is it because you feel some sort of guilt? Maybe you did something wrong to cause it. I find my demons are stronger than I am. I feel like giving up at times, but I don't want to give up, I want to fight and I will fight as long as I can. We can't let depression beat us, because if we do we will never be able to forgive ourselves, to come out from behind the shadow, the shadow that keeps us hidden and scared.
This is a continuation of how I feel, of my depression. Today at work I tried so hard to keep my mind busy, the kids made me laugh at school, and I did smile and for a moment I did forget, and I was in the present. The thoughts were gone just a few precious moments, and it felt good, but then the shadow came back and I was once again hiding behind it, my mask was in place once again. FORGIVENESS is the key to all this, we have to try and forgive ourselves, to love ourselves and maybe, just maybe the mask will slowly unveil itself, and we can finally be set free............