The Blog Farm

The Blog Farm

Monday, May 12, 2008

Still Hiding........

Well Monday has come and gone. It is suppose to be May right, well it sure doesn't feel like it. Weather this morning was very cool, and dreary, I hate days like this. Day's like this affect my mood, not that I need anything to upset it as it is. But it does make me feel icky inside. I went to the cemetery yesterday to plant some flowers at my mom's grave site. On the way I started to cry. It's been 3 years since my mom passed away, and I miss her so much. I cleaned up the grave site and planted the flowers, and brought home a little cherub well it actually has 2 cherubs on it, for each of my 2 granddaughters. I had put their names on it in permanent marker, but over the winter it came off. Now I have to figure out what to use so their names don't come off. If anyone has any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

So going to the cemetery just added to my depression. Depression chokes me., it's like it overtakes everything else.
You try to ignore it and concentrate on other things, but......guess what??? IT'S STILL THERE. Sometimes it overtakes you when you least expect it... Sometimes I feel like I 'm in a fog and can't get out, groping my way through it hoping to find a light at the end of the tunnel.....and......I'm still Hiding behind my shadow....


janet said...

hi mary,

i'm sorry to hear about your mom. i hope depression will go away soon. it chokes me too when it hits me.

anyway, thanks for joining my entrecard drop list. will be dropping by here more often... if not daily. :)


Mary said...

Hi Janet, Thanks for dropping by. I'll do the same, it's hard isn't it?
But the depression is a struggle for me and has been for 20 years. I hope you had a chance to read my 2 blogs on depression? Let me know what u think. Hope to hear from you soon, take care..Mary

Dorothy said...

Mary, I'll read your other posts on depression and I'm going to post one from my daughter in law, in the future. I've written about this as my daughter and Nancy have suffered with depression most of their adult life. I tell them it's no different then having cancer (like myself) its with you and you battle it forever. None the less it doesn't make it easy and I hope as they do, you have someone to talk too when your down. The gal who guest posted on my site three or four down Debbie Lane has some great tapes, you may find helpful. So glad I found your site...I bookmarked this and will be back.. My best,

Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram

Gina said...

When I suffered depression, I saw a doctor who helped me beat it. He had me read "Feeling Good", by David Burns. It is cognitive therapy and has a workbook. It changed me and got me out of my deep depression. Give it a try.

etta said...

I'm sorry you're engulfed right now. Depression sucks! I'm secretly praying for clouds, however, so you have no shadow to hide behind. Sometimes, one foot in front of the other, one moment at a time is ALL we can do.
The cognitive behavioral therapy suggestion is a great one. In fact, the above statement is very CBT-ish. Stand when you can stand. Walk when you can walk. Rest when you need rest. One moment at a time...
Take good care of yourself-