DID YOU REALLY LOVE ME

At first I thought you were special
Because you chose me for your own,
You raised me, but did you love me?
I felt so all alone.

Love is what I should have seen
But fear is what I saw,
You yelled and often hit me
And that wasn't your only flaw.

How could you hurt a little girl?
I wasn't very old,
But that didn't matter much to you
You were so very cold.

You also didn't see what he did to me
Or did you just turn away?
I was all alone to face his wrath
My life looked very gray.

He hurt me in so many ways
But showed me love you see
This is what I was looking for
The love you did not give to me.

The things he often did to me
Was not suppose to be,
There was no-one around to stop it
If there was, then I could have been free.

It went on for many, many years
My tears, my pillow stained,
From the many nights I cried in bed
My thoughts were so very drained.

You didn't see the changes in me
I hid them from all to see,
I was a frightened child back then
To this I do agree.

I hid my turmoil from all to see
It was my shame I faced,
It made me feel so dirty inside
It was me that I disgraced.

You see, he took my innocence
But I didn't know it then,
I was like a pawn played in his game
And forced into his den.

And when I grew into a teen
It still went on and on,
He knew I would keep my silence still
His hold on my was strong.

But by then I knew I hated it
It was not suppose to be,
All I saw was a monster then
Bent down upon his knees.

I wished I could have saved myself
But I didn't know how to find,
A safety net to help me then
I knew I was in a bind.

You had no in cling of what went on
He made so sure of it,
He probably never bothered you
It was me who took the hit.

I was so very scared to tell
So I just hid it deep inside,
I was too embarrassed by what I did
That part of myself I must hide.

Now as an adult I still find it hard
To let go of that rage inside,
To let it out and free myself
So my thoughts I won't have to hide.

I hope one day I can forgive
You both for what you did,
So I can move on and live my life
And all the demons I can finally be rid.

written by Mary G.

Our Little Game

“OUR LITTLE GAME”


Sitting in the darkness
With so much sadness on her face,
Tears welling up inside her eyes
She's breathing as if in a race.

She listens for the footsteps
That she knows are going to come,
She hugs her knees together
And to herself begins to hum.

Her eyes she closes so tightly
As her heart it skips a beat,
No-one around to save her
Her abuser she is soon to meet.

Slowly her door did open
As his figure looms so big,
Tears start streaming down her face
As her fingers in her skin did dig.

She rolled herself into a ball
As he stood right next to her,
He bent down low and whispered
But she didn't even stir.

“I'm here for you, is what he said
Come, let's go and have some fun.”
'NO!!!” she yelled inside herself
But his booming words had stung.

She couldn't yell her words out-loud
He would smother her mouth with his hand,
So there was no use to fight him
She just couldn't understand.

He scooped her up into his arms
And kissed her upon her cheek,
She wanted to scream and claw at him
But her spirit was just too weak.

He threw her on the bed so rough
She tried to squirm away,
But he held her down and told her
“Don't you move, you have to stay.”

Her tears were like a fountain
Spewing down upon her face,
“Please don't do that to me,” she yelled
But he answered with such disgrace.

“You're mine to do with as I please”
Is what he said to her,
“But daddy,let me go, please stop!!!”
But he pressed down so she couldn't stir.

She lay so still as if in a trance
As he squirmed on top and sighed,
She couldn't bear to look at him
She wished she could have died.

As she lay there he whispered into her ear
“Remember this is our little game,”
She cringed when she did hear this
And thinks she is to blame.

She rocked herself to sleep that night
And wished for angels to come,
To set her free from this abuse
That has made her feel so numb.

But no-one came to set her free
Her stomach would twist into knots,
Not knowing what else was coming next
She wished and hopes he rots.

Now as an adult she faces the wrath
Of the demons that haunt her soul,
The memories are fresh, and take over her mind
Of the childhood and joy he stole.

Written by Mary G.

The Mirror

The Mirror

The mirror is my enemy
When I look inside I see,
A little girl who is so lost
Tears well up in me.

She looks so frightened and so very sad
I can't reach out or touch,
It's just too hard to look at her
For the memories are just too much.

I know she needs my guidance
But she reminds me of all my fears,
So much hate is in her eyes
She sheds so many tears.

So I walk away and leave her
Can't bear to see her cry,
i try so hard to block it out
There's just too many tears to dry.

As I turn and look back in the mirror
My adult self I see,
The thoughts I remember are all still there
It just envelopes me.

If I could smash the mirror
That little girl might go,
But then she would be trapped inside
He would win, and her life would not grow.

written by Mary G.