The Blog Farm

The Blog Farm

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


DID YOU REALLY LOVE ME

At first I thought 

You were special
Because you chose

 Me for your own,
You raised me,

 But did you love me?
I felt so all alone.

Love is what I

 Should have felt,
But fear is what I saw,
You yelled and

 Often hit me
And that wasn't 

Your only flaw.

How could you

 Hurt a little girl?
I wasn't very old,
But that didn't

Seem to matter
You were so

 Very cold.

You  didn't see 

What dad did to me
I was and so afraid

 To face his wrath
He changed my life
In so many ways
My life looked

 Very gray.

He hurt me in

 So many ways
But showed me

 Love you see
This is what 

I was looking for
Because no love

You gave to me.

The things he

 Often did to me,
Was not suppose to be
There was no-one

  To stop it
If there was

 Then I could have
 Been set free.

It went on for 

Many, many years
My tears, m
y
 Pillow stained,
From the many nights 
I cried in bed
My thoughts were

 So very drained.

You didn't see 

The changes in me
I hid them
Deep inside,
I was a frightened

Child back then
Had no-one to

 Set me free.

I hid the turmoil

 From all to see
It was my

 Shame I faced,
It made me feel

 So dirty inside
It was me

 That I disgraced.

You see, he took

 My innocence
But I didn't 

Know it then,
I was like a pawn 

Played in his game
And forced

 Into his den.

And when I

 Grew into a teen
It still went

 On and on,
He knew I would

 Keep my silence still
His hold on

 Me was strong.

But by then

 I knew I hated it,
It was not

 Suppose to be
All I saw was

 A monster then
Who would  never
Set me free.

I wished I could
 Have saved myself
But I didn't

 Know how to find,
A safety net

 To help me then
I knew I was

 In a bind.

You had no incling

 Of what went on
He made so

 Sure of it,
He probably never

 Bothered you
It was me

 Who took the hit.

I was so very 

Scared to tell
So I just hid it

 Deep inside,
I was too embarrassed

 By what I did
That part of myself

 I must hide.

Now as an adult

 I still find it hard
To let go of that

 Rage inside,
To let it out and

 Free myself
So my thoughts

 I won't have to hide.

I hope one day

 I can forgive
You both for

 What you did,
So I can move on 

 Live my life
And all the demons 

I can finally be rid.

 Mary Graziano ©

10/28/08

12 comments:

Marie said...

Mary, another great poem! You released a lot of hurt and sadness here. Good for you! I like the quotation on the top of the post.

Please keep writing. Take care.

Tamara said...

Mary,

You don't have to keep it inside anymore. It is wonderful that you are able to express your feelings through your poetry. Keep letting it out. I know that you will heal from this and be able to set yourself free.

Hugs,
Tamara

Anonymous Drifter said...

It's good that you can let out your emotions through your poetry, Mary. I hope it helps you heal. I also hope you feel better soon from your sickness this week.

Mary said...

Marie: Thanks so much for you comment. I will keep writing because I am hoping one day it will help me...hugss..Mary


Tamara: It's getting easier to let it out, especially through my poetry, thanks Tamara...hugsssss


ad: Thanks I'm hoping it will help me heal also. Im still under the weather, taking its own sweet time. hugsss.

D Lo said...

You always had a way with words!!! I wish I had your creativity...very touching mom!

Jess said...

love the post...and the poems you have been writing...just visiting and saying hello.

Hope you have a good end of the week

Tracy said...

(((Mary)))


Each poem you share is one more step in your healing. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Tracy

Mike Golch said...

A good posting.It is sad that this happens. I'm sorry that it did.unfortunaly there are sick pepole that become parents.It does not excuse what is being done.They will answer to God or a higher power as one chooses to believe in.

Dorothy said...

Mary what a beautiful poem..hope all is well..Dorothy from grammology

Cancer is in remission..I keep praying..

http://grammology.com

Pink Ink said...

Moving post. Thank you.

Patricia Singleton said...

Are you at the stage yet that the writing does help or are you as I was in the beginning. I could write the words but was a long way from feeling yet, in the beginning. Today, I can write and feel. As much as it can still hurt, I am grateful for the feelings and the tears because I am much better with all of the pain than with the numbness that I once experienced. Letting the rage out is much better than turning it inward to use against myself.

catatonickid said...

I've got tears running down my cheeks now. It's beautiful writing. So bitter-sweet and too, too real.

Sending a hefty dose of compassion your way.