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DID YOU REALLY LOVE ME
At first I thought
You were special
Because you chose
Me for your own,
You raised me,
But did you love me?
I felt so all alone.
Love is what I
Should have felt,
But fear is what I saw,
You yelled and
Often hit me
And that wasn't
Your only flaw.
How could you
Hurt a little girl?
I wasn't very old,
But that didn't
Seem to matter
You were so
Very cold.
You didn't see
What dad did to me
I was and so afraid
To face his wrath
He changed my life
In so many ways
My life looked
Very gray.
He hurt me in
So many ways
But showed me
Love you see
This is what
I was looking for
Because no love
You gave to me.
The things he
Often did to me,
Was not suppose to be
There was no-one
To stop it
If there was
Then I could have
Been set free.
It went on for
Many, many years
My tears, my
Pillow stained,
From the many nights
I cried in bed
My thoughts were
So very drained.
You didn't see
The changes in me
I hid them
Deep inside,
I was a frightened
Child back then
Had no-one to
Set me free.
I hid the turmoil
From all to see
It was my
Shame I faced,
It made me feel
So dirty inside
It was me
That I disgraced.
You see, he took
My innocence
But I didn't
Know it then,
I was like a pawn
Played in his game
And forced
Into his den.
And when I
Grew into a teen
It still went
On and on,
He knew I would
Keep my silence still
His hold on
Me was strong.
But by then
I knew I hated it,
It was not
Suppose to be
All I saw was
A monster then
Who would never
Set me free.
I wished I could
Have saved myself
But I didn't
Know how to find,
A safety net
To help me then
I knew I was
In a bind.
You had no incling
Of what went on
He made so
Sure of it,
He probably never
Bothered you
It was me
Who took the hit.
I was so very
Scared to tell
So I just hid it
Deep inside,
I was too embarrassed
By what I did
That part of myself
I must hide.
Now as an adult
I still find it hard
To let go of that
Rage inside,
To let it out and
Free myself
So my thoughts
I won't have to hide.
I hope one day
I can forgive
You both for
What you did,
So I can move on
Live my life
And all the demons
I can finally be rid.
Mary Graziano ©
10/28/08
At first I thought
You were special
Because you chose
Me for your own,
You raised me,
But did you love me?
I felt so all alone.
Love is what I
Should have felt,
But fear is what I saw,
You yelled and
Often hit me
And that wasn't
Your only flaw.
How could you
Hurt a little girl?
I wasn't very old,
But that didn't
Seem to matter
You were so
Very cold.
You didn't see
What dad did to me
I was and so afraid
To face his wrath
He changed my life
In so many ways
My life looked
Very gray.
He hurt me in
So many ways
But showed me
Love you see
This is what
I was looking for
Because no love
You gave to me.
The things he
Often did to me,
Was not suppose to be
There was no-one
To stop it
If there was
Then I could have
Been set free.
It went on for
Many, many years
My tears, my
Pillow stained,
From the many nights
I cried in bed
My thoughts were
So very drained.
You didn't see
The changes in me
I hid them
Deep inside,
I was a frightened
Child back then
Had no-one to
Set me free.
I hid the turmoil
From all to see
It was my
Shame I faced,
It made me feel
So dirty inside
It was me
That I disgraced.
You see, he took
My innocence
But I didn't
Know it then,
I was like a pawn
Played in his game
And forced
Into his den.
And when I
Grew into a teen
It still went
On and on,
He knew I would
Keep my silence still
His hold on
Me was strong.
But by then
I knew I hated it,
It was not
Suppose to be
All I saw was
A monster then
Who would never
Set me free.
I wished I could
Have saved myself
But I didn't
Know how to find,
A safety net
To help me then
I knew I was
In a bind.
You had no incling
Of what went on
He made so
Sure of it,
He probably never
Bothered you
It was me
Who took the hit.
I was so very
Scared to tell
So I just hid it
Deep inside,
I was too embarrassed
By what I did
That part of myself
I must hide.
Now as an adult
I still find it hard
To let go of that
Rage inside,
To let it out and
Free myself
So my thoughts
I won't have to hide.
I hope one day
I can forgive
You both for
What you did,
So I can move on
Live my life
And all the demons
I can finally be rid.
Mary Graziano ©
10/28/08
12 comments:
Mary, another great poem! You released a lot of hurt and sadness here. Good for you! I like the quotation on the top of the post.
Please keep writing. Take care.
Mary,
You don't have to keep it inside anymore. It is wonderful that you are able to express your feelings through your poetry. Keep letting it out. I know that you will heal from this and be able to set yourself free.
Hugs,
Tamara
It's good that you can let out your emotions through your poetry, Mary. I hope it helps you heal. I also hope you feel better soon from your sickness this week.
Marie: Thanks so much for you comment. I will keep writing because I am hoping one day it will help me...hugss..Mary
Tamara: It's getting easier to let it out, especially through my poetry, thanks Tamara...hugsssss
ad: Thanks I'm hoping it will help me heal also. Im still under the weather, taking its own sweet time. hugsss.
You always had a way with words!!! I wish I had your creativity...very touching mom!
love the post...and the poems you have been writing...just visiting and saying hello.
Hope you have a good end of the week
(((Mary)))
Each poem you share is one more step in your healing. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs,
Tracy
A good posting.It is sad that this happens. I'm sorry that it did.unfortunaly there are sick pepole that become parents.It does not excuse what is being done.They will answer to God or a higher power as one chooses to believe in.
Mary what a beautiful poem..hope all is well..Dorothy from grammology
Cancer is in remission..I keep praying..
http://grammology.com
Moving post. Thank you.
Are you at the stage yet that the writing does help or are you as I was in the beginning. I could write the words but was a long way from feeling yet, in the beginning. Today, I can write and feel. As much as it can still hurt, I am grateful for the feelings and the tears because I am much better with all of the pain than with the numbness that I once experienced. Letting the rage out is much better than turning it inward to use against myself.
I've got tears running down my cheeks now. It's beautiful writing. So bitter-sweet and too, too real.
Sending a hefty dose of compassion your way.
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