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Like a RoseLike a rose I feel, that does not bloom
Enclosed inside the petals tight,
No air to breathe, I feel the strain
Too hard to cope, I just can't fight.
The petals fall, they can't hang on
They give in to nature, it is their foe,
My abuser, my foe, he always wins
Too small to escape, my eyes do flow.
The petals crisp from the weather cold
No chance to be saved from the new fallen snow,
My life is his, control he takes
Caught in his web, he has one goal.
The wind races on, blows away the snow
Broken pieces of petals begin to stand out,
I don't stand out, I hide my pain
Who would believe, is there any doubt?
Life is gone from the petals cracked
Breaking in pieces they're buried from view,
I feel so broken and can't be fixed
For what I feel he has no clue.
A rose rejuvenates and blooms again
With petals wide open it shows beauty inside,
I have no beauty, the damage is done
I retreat within, I just want to die!!!
written by Mary G.
16 comments:
I'm so sorry for the pain you must feel. You're very strong to have been able to cope with this for so many years.
Thanks AD., I'm having a real hard time right now coping with it, my depression is really bad right now
Mary,
Another powerful poem. I do think you have incredible beauty though. Those of us around you can see it even if you can't. If you look closely, however, you will see us reflecting your beauty back to you.
Many hugs and so sorry that I disappeared for so long. I am back to stay I think/hope! ;-)
I'm sorry you feel you can't be fixed and are broken beyond repair. Do you believe that God can heel a broken spirit? I hope so.
I felt like I couldn't go on when my 21 month old son died. I felt like I wasn't doing my part in taking care of him and that I wasn't a good mom because I couldn't save him or take away his pain. I wanted to be with him and thought that I should be with him.
Fortunately I had my 3 year old daughter that needed me so much that I had to put away those thougts and concentrate on her. The pain NEVER goes away. My analogy is that the pain is like a deep gash in my heart that bleeds profusely at first and causes great pain and sorrow. But with time I slowly cover it with a bandaid to sooth my days. The truth is though that the bandaid can suddenly be ripped off (even 25 years later) and that raw pain comes spewing right back out and I cry and I'm so sad all over again as I relive the pain of losing him. I see his last smile and hear his last words to me and smell his clothes and feel his little body in my arms as I rock him again. Then, I slowly replace the bandaid again and look at my living children and grandchildren and rejoice.
But, I have some adopted children that, like you, went through the type of pain and suffering you did and their lives are broken and sometimes sad and wretched and even angry. All I can do is hope that the time and effort I put into giving them guidance and love will lift them up when they most need it. Sometimes it seems hopeless and then sometimes I see the hope in their eyes and the effort they put into feeling good about themselve and I begin to hope again too.
I am sorry I rambled on so long, but I wanted you to know that looking for the good in your life will at least give you pause and comfort and happy goals to live for, even though at times you may still feel broken and sorrowful and unfixable. Every happy day, hour or minute is a healing time, so breathe in those moments and rejoice.
When we are mended with a bandaid as Reva suggested or with the glue of hope and love from others, we are stronger for the experience. We are stronger than our abusers. We survived. Some didn't.
When you are in the midst of depression, do things to take care of yourself. The rest of the world can take care of itself. Let your loved ones take care of you for a change.
Being quiet in nature helps me when I feel lost and disconnected from God and myself. Getting angry at God sometimes helps too. He doesn't mind. He has very broad shoulders.
I see a lot of beauty in you. But, I do know what it feels like to feel broken. Some days, I feel like I'm patching myself back up all over again. (((((((Mary)))))))
Mary, thank you for sharing. I am so very sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Even though I cannot relate to "your" own personal pain, I do know what it is like. Still, I appreciate your honesty dear one.
Hope all is well with you and that you have a good rest of the week.
Love,jess
Again, beautiful words to describe such difficult feelings.
Thinking of you. (((Mary)))
thank you for writing on my blog mary. it gave me the chance to read your poems. you are amazingly strong and brave. i feel so inspired seeing you write your experience with such honesty. i hope that writing has brought you whatever feelings you most needed. you deserve to feel safe.
I think I've commented on this before but it is valuable to others who may have experienced something similar. I did foster care for 15 years and adopted 3 children who were taken from abusive or neglecting homes so I know the pain it causes and how it can affect people even as adults.
By the way, I knew that nippercat seemed familiar when you contacted my on myspace. Now I know why.
Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. Just stopping by yours to say you are thought of today!
Safe hugs ((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))
Mary, sorry I have been gone so long.
Once again a great poem. The HTC festival dates have been announced (go to my blog for details). I hope you are going to submit some work for the festival this year.
HTC also has a official blog here on blogger. I will send you the link if you want.
Thank you for sharing your pain through you beautiful poem. Wishing you peace...
Mary,
Just checking in to see how you are doing. I am honored and pleased that you are a part of the HTC family!
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