The Blog Farm

The Blog Farm

Thursday, June 4, 2009

THE BOOGIEMAN


THE BOOGIEMAN

Many many years ago
When I was very young,
The darkness always frightened me
I felt so very numb.

To me you were the boogieman
Waiting for your prey,
Somehow you got me to believe
That you loved me in your own way.

How could you be the boogieman
But in the daytime be my dad,
Treat me with love and tenderness
But at night you were cold as ice.

You often said it was something
That dad's did with their little girls,
You wanted me to believe it norm
My head was in a whirl..

As a teen I knew it wasn't right
But I was too afraid to tell,
You knew that and took advantage
You put me through that hell.

Only I knew you as the boogieman
To everyone else you were my dad,
Someone who was so wonderful
But to me you made me sad.

My dreams were turned into nightmares
That haunt me to this day,
I was so afraid to sleep at night
To God oh how I prayed.

I would cringe whenever we were alone
You would pull my pubic hairs,
And make me cry and scream in pain
You laughed, you didn't care.

"No!! Please stop!!" is what I said
But you laughed and did it some more,
As an adult, I know it turned you on
My heart is what you tore.

The question why I'll never know
Because you can only sit and stare,
You're not that Boogieman anymore
But all those memories I still can't bare.

Whenever I come and visit you
Even though you are old and gray,
In your eyes I look and see the past
Oh how it haunts me to this day.

Yes, that boogieman is gone now
He can't hurt me anymore,
Only the memories I have, so daunting,
In my mind forever stored.

Mary Graziano©

20 comments:

Jess said...

Did your mom ever know? Or did he ever go to jail or anything?

If thats too personal don't answer me...i just know you carry around so much pain.

Hope you have a good week ahead.

Love, jess

Mary said...

Hi Jess No as far as I know my mom never knew. No my dad didn't go to jail because no one ever knew, noe he has alzheimers, so that is his punishment

Mary said...
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Mary said...
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Colleen said...

Beautiful poem. It is honest and it is part of my story, too. I wrote in my book - where do you go when the one who is supposed to protect you from the boogeyman, IS the boogeyman? Thanks, Mary.

Marie said...

That is all they will ever be-memories-they cannot hurt you anymore.

I often felt that my abuser was the boogieman too.

Please take care.

Jean said...

Touching poem. I respect your thoughts. Thanks for sharing.

Patricia Singleton said...

Mary, when I read your words I forget to breath. I can imagine that your nightmares are the same or worse because you have the visuals then to deal with.

I have learned to look at my dreams and see what lesson are they trying to teach me. Are they showing you ways that he is still controlling your life? Facing my fears in the daylight hours has helped me to lose the nightmares except for an occasional one that slips into my nighttime hours. I still have some sleepless nights as well and am still working to heal myself.

Anonymous Drifter said...

I'm amazed that you have the ability to visit him now. You have a lot of strength Mary.

Dr. Deb said...

I had a boogieman in my life too. He is now gone and I can talk about what I never could as a child.

Marie said...

Mary,

I have decided to turn my main blog Somewhere In The Middle to private.

Please send me a e-mail at mariecoppla@hotmail.com if you are interested.

Marie

Marj aka Thriver said...

You hadn't posted for a while. I'm glad to see this new poem. Thanks, as always, for your courage in sharing.

Yeah, that's just haunting: the thought that the boogeyman is your own father. Mine, too.

Mimi said...

such heartache to have to endure...the poems are so good and touching...I know they must be a help to you to say the words without saying them out loud...
and it is a just punishment for him to have alzheimers.....
is your mom still living?

VICKI IN AZ said...

Such honesty, so much pain.
Brave sweet Mary, keep taking care of the little Mary inside of you.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Just stopping by to say that you are thought of today.

'ROCKIN GRANDMA' said...

Mary my heart is with you.I know boogieman too.May God keep you safe now and your dreams be sweet.HugsLInda

Sandy said...

nice one

Marj aka Thriver said...

Thanks for joining us for The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse again. I so appreciate your contributions.

Ivory said...

My heart goes out to you. My dad was my hero, not my abuser, so I can't even understand how a father could do such a thing.

Patricia Singleton said...

Mary, I hope that your dreams are easing up some today. I am glad that you shared this poem with the Carnival Against Child Abuse, January 2010. Sharing our pain and our victories is very important.