The Blog Farm

The Blog Farm

Monday, June 4, 2012


MY SHAME MY BLAME

Cramped inside myself, I hide
Like a cocoon that's wrapped up tight,
Filthy words that speak to me
My mind, it just can't fight.

Hideous creatures grab hold, abuse
Eyes peering back at me,
I hear my little self scream out
Please help, please set me free.

Over-powered, I'm trapped, I can't escape
Can't reach out to set her free,
They make me watch, I cry in shame
Of these images I don't want to see.

Scoffing, they laugh at my defeat
As the memories of my little self unwind
Too young to face the wrong they did
Can't cope, she floats from my mind.

To escape her cocoon, as a butterfly
To flee the wrath at hand,
Fly high above the clouds so white
Viewing mountains that are so grand.

But her glimpse of happiness erodes away
As reality strikes back and wins,
It takes her back to the abusers at hand
As they take her, her mind does spin.

I need to reach my little self
To free her from this hell
But all I see is their dirty deeds
She's rigid, caught under their spell.

I bare the scars that I carry still
So much shame is what I see,
I feel I'm to blame for my little self
Because I just can't set her free.

So she crawls back into that cocoon so tight
Wondering when that day will be,
I just don't have an answer for her
There is no guarantee.

Written by Mary Graziano
June 2, 2012

I wrote this poem because I have so many feelings of blame still for myself that I must heal from. The shame I felt and still feel to this day still haunt me. I blame myself for not being able to free my little self from all the hurt and abuse she suffered when she was suppose to have been loved and protected.


3 comments:

Patricia Singleton said...

Mary, would you blame one of your grandchildren if they were abused and they couldn't save themselves from being abused? As a grandmother myself, I know you wouldn't, so don't blame yourself. You were just a child. You didn't have the ability to save yourself from the adults that abused you. Look at your grandchildren and see yourself at their ages. You were just as beautiful as they are.

Mary said...

I wouldn't blame them I know that, and Iknow I shouldn't blame myself, so why do I then? I keep thinking I should have said something, I should have yelled NO, thank you Patricia. ♥

Patricia Singleton said...

Mary, you were a helpless child. From what little bit of your story that I know, do you really think it would have made a difference if you had said something, if you had yelled No? Would they have listened? Would they have stopped? I said no a number of times. My dad ignored me everytime and still did what he wanted to.