I share my blog for everyone. For those who also suffer from Abuse/Incest. I hope that by writing my feelings, my poetry on my abuse as a child, will help and encourage you and to let you know that YOU ARE NEVER TO BLAME FOR WHAT
HAPPENED..We were innocent children, the abuser is always at blame.
Please leave me a comment so I know you were here..thank you. look forward to hearing from you.
We as childhood victims and survivors of abuse are often caught in a trap of living in the past because we can't escape the horrendous things done to us, and often don't know how to live a life of being free from our abusers. But with help from a therapist we can begin to understand that it will get better and I can attest to that. I have struggled long and hard but with my therapists help and the love and support from this group I have been able to finally move on and have started to leave the past behind to a certain extent.
It's not an easy thing for us to do and many victims are trapped in the deep abyss and can't release the "inner child that lives within us.The pain and sadness, the memories that we feel inside us belong to our "inner child." Everything that happened to us is stored here with our "inner child," whether we remember it or not, it is there for safe keeping, perhaps for a time when the memories do come forth, a time when we are able to handle those memories, then this is the time that we are able to process what happened to us, our minds are telling us it is okay, we are safe now, and our minds bring the memories forward for us to accept.
Our "inner children" have been hurt, wounded beyond a doubt. Some children are very sensitive to what has happened or just sensitive in general, and when a tragic event has happened to them, they are not able to handle this. They shut down, withdraw within themselves. I know that I was and still am very sensitive. When I was hurt as that small child, sexually, physically, and emotionally, I kept everything inside myself, for the most part of my life. I cringed when my mother spoke to me, wondering what was coming next. I shut down, when my father sexually abused me, tried to take myself away while it happened, but for the most part this never happened, I stayed in the present, frozen, to let him do whatever he wanted to me.
In adulthood, we feel the pain from our childhood, never forgetting what it has done to us..Sometimes an event can happen that triggers the memories or flashbacks,
Often times we just want to give up because we feel that it is hopeless. But we can't give into our abusers, we can't let them win we must fight for all it is worth to get out of the "chains" that bind us to our abusers.
We can make a positive step by beginning our journey out from the negative and start by saying "I am alive, I have gotten away from the monster who stole my childhood from me, these are positive steps toward our healing. This step took me a very long time to even comprehend and I still struggle with it even today. Some days are going to be worse than others as we struggle to with flashbacks and triggers that will affect us in our everyday lives.
To think positive is to gain strength within ourselves. We can gain gratitude in realizing that we have become a stronger person because of what we went through, we have survived. I know that many will not think that to be abused in the horrific way that stole our childhood, our dignity, our self worth, our self esteem, how can we be grateful and positive? But we can if only in baby steps to start out with, thank God that you made it out alive where many didn't many have died and didn't have the chance to be free. I never thought of it this way at first but now I can see how true this statement is. I want to be free, I don't want to be caught in the trap of being in the past and letting my abuser win. This is a positive step a journey of healing and you can do this also if you want it bad enough. Yes, what happened to us was deplorable something that we wouldn't wish on our worse enemy, but we can learn from this that we can release ourselves, release that inner child within us tell her/him that he can't hurt her/him anymore, but if you still want to live in the past then you are not moving forward, you are not taking that first step in you're healing and all you will have in you're life I,s the negativity that comes from the abuser who controls you, you are again trapped inside yourself.
Baby steps with positives thoughts and gratitude, you are alive, you are a survivor and have made it. Don"t let them win and take over that inner child within you because if you do you will never be set free. I pray that you will begin your journey to the positive, to gain strength in knowing that you can start and let go of the past. God bless you all.