The Blog Farm

The Blog Farm

Sunday, June 22, 2008

BROKEN


BROKEN

Your uncaring ways they haunted me
What did I do so wrong?
That you would use me like you did,
Those daunting images are strong.

You took away my self-esteem
You changed my inner self,
You kept me like I was your prize
Like a trophy put on your shelf.

Controlling me, you used me
Like a puppet on a string,
I had to do as I was told
Or face those words that sting.

I find it hard to cleanse the past
Like a wound that just won't heal,
The scars that mar me are so deep
Pent up anger is what I feel.

"I love you" was all I wanted to hear
But those words were never spoken,
Alone and abandoned is how I felt
My heart will be always BROKEN.
written by Mary G.

Even as adults we still feel the sorrow and pain of the past. Trying to come to terms with it is never easy. Years may go by and we still wait for some kind of affirmation and I know for myself I couldn't ask why I didn't get some kind of affirming words and why the words "I love you" were so hard to say. I couldn't verbalize to my parents the words I wanted to say to them, it was too foreign to me. Being adopted, I thought that I would be special because I was "chosen" but that wasn't true at all. I wasn't special. I was just someone that they abused for their satisfaction.

Don't we all have the need to be loved? Don't we need to be held and shown that we belong?
As humans we are programmed for love and protection from someone and when we don't get it, then we try in whatever way possible to receive it.

Stealing our self-esteem breaks us. We crave attention, we crave love, the love that wasn't there. Sometimes we punish ourselves by blaming ourselves, that something must be wrong with us, that our parents or whoever didn't do anything wrong. I feel that way sometimes. I try and comprehend in my mind why things like this happen, why God let it happen? As children were we bad? Or we may think that this is normal behaviour. Maybe this went on in every household. It wasn't spoken about, it was kept quiet.

Now as adults we sometimes can't see or find the truth. It is buried deep inside, too hard to understand. We live our lives not as our true selves but as a part that is missing. A part that we must understand and come to terms with..We must find the other half of us, so that we become whole again, so that we may find love and be loved.....


14 comments:

healandforgive said...

Mary,
I was so delighted by your comment on my blog that I dashed over to read you similar post for today.

If it is true that "a picture speaks a thousand words" then your poetry speaks tens of thousands of words in the validating pictures they depict in the minds of survivors who read them.

Take care,
Nancy

Clueless said...

OUCH...my heart and everything just aches and feels so empty.

Tamara said...

Mary,

Your poetry is so truly beautiful and really touches me.

I think one of the hardest things is admitting that our parents WERE wrong. We were little kids and could not possibly have been bad enough to deserve the abuse we received. No one deserves that kind of treatment and especially not from the people whose job was to love, protect and nurture you.

You are a good, beautiful, talented person.

Best wishes,
Tamara

~Deb said...

Beautifully expressed. As humans, we DO crave attention, another human touch and the love from a person we care about. As babies, it's a proven fact that if the baby isn't held enough of hugged or kissed enough, that child will grow up emotionally distant.

I loved this entry!

Wanda's Wings said...

((((Mary))I can so relate to your beautiful poem.Keep writing and sharing.

jumpinginpuddles said...

this broken poem says so much to us about us yet you wrote it about you, survivors have so many things in common its sad that we do :(

Donna said...

Oh My....I don't have enough words to help you fill the void!!! Know that you Are loved....by me. Your poetry is haunting!hughugs

Spring said...

Mary,
My stepfather doesn't know I am trying to forgive him but that doesn't matter. If I carry the hurt and hatred around and never surrender it to God then I will only hurt myself and those I come in contact with. I would LIKE my stepfather to know I forgive him but that isn't possible since I don't know where he is and I know it would be unsafe to let him know where I am...but letting him know isn't really necessary.
What I'm saying is...
You can forgive your parents even if they never know you have, God will know that you have. He sees your heart and your desires and the pain you've carried so long and longs to take it all so you don't have to hurt anymore. He will take care of the rest.
Thanks for sharing your heart with me. I love your poetry, it says so much. :)

Beth Fehlbaum, Author said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog. I appreciate it!

Beth Fehlbaum, author
Courage in Patience, a story of hope for those who have endured abuse
http://courageinpatience.blogspot.com
http://www.kunati.com/courage-in-patience
Chapter 1 is online!

JunieRose2005 said...

Oh, Mary!

This poem touches my soul. I can relate to these feelings...

Junie


PS-Thanks for your visit to my poem site! I hope you will check it ALL out as I intend to do with yours!
(and my other sites, too!)

jumpinginpuddles said...

and we asked for your email as someone sent an anonymous comment on our blog and we were gopign throguh each blog site to think of who might have asked the questions asked as the blogger onlky gave us hints of their identity. But i think we have found out who wrote it, so thankyou for trying to contact us.

Dorothy said...

Mary my daughter is 42 in August and still craves and needs love and acceptance from her dad. Some days I'm so sad that he has left her so scarred...as the same with you.

It is my belief that a broken heart can give love to a child or partner..for they understand rejection, and lack of the return feeling. I hope you have someone to love and feel joy with. As I pray my daughter will understand the love of her children far surpasses the love she never got from a useless father. One who is so consumed he doesn't even know the hurt he's caused.

My prayers,
Dorothy from grammology
remember to call gram
grammology.com

Tracy said...

your poem is beautiful. You have a wonderful talent in expressing your feelings. Thank you for opening up and sharing with all of us.

Hugs and blessings

Hootin' Anni said...

I love poetry. And I'm really liking your work. Wow, so very impressive.

I'm here from Bloggers Over 50 and will add your blog/link to the members' list as soon as I click publish this comment. [You many have to refresh your browser to see that you've been added]

Welcome. Hope you find some lasting friendships through joining us.

My personal blog [which I'm writing this comment from] is always open, and I love having company stop by.

Again, welcome and glad you joined us 'aged' bloggers!!!