The Blog Farm

The Blog Farm

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

The Past How It Makes Me Weep




THE PAST HOW IT MAKES ME WEEP

I try so hard to shake the past
But it still flickers through my mind,
That little girl that I do see
Herself she still cant find.

The pain she feels tears through her
Like a knife so sharp she screams,
Why did he do those awful things
When he comes close it makes her squeam.

She feels his breath upon her face
Her eyes shut tight to hide,
He gropes her body until it hurts
You're daddy's girl, oh how he lied”.

With tears that stain her little cheeks
Too afraid to make a sound,
Like a monster he envelopes her
And takes her, to him she's bound.

She only wishes for happy times
To be free to smile and have fun,
But her sombre look takes hold of her
There's no joy, no love, just none.

She tries so hard to hide her fears
And keeps them deep inside,
But one day they will erupt in her
And to someone she will confide.

With my eyes I see her tiny face
I cry for her each night,
I want so much to hug her close
And tell her it will be alright.

But sadness is all I see in her
And the pain that she did feel,
Of the emptiness that did strangle her
Why did it have to be real?

Where does it say that someone
Can abuse a child so small?
Relentless probing fingers
She was frozen, she was held in thrall.

It still sickens me to envision it
As an adult it still hurts so deep
My mind it wanders amilessly
To the past, how it makes me weep.

I don't know when I will heal inside
For that little girl in me,
Is still too scared to open up
Dear God please help set her free.

Free to be herself again,
With a sparkle in her eye,
To have happy thoughts and pretty smiles
And no more fears that make her cry.

I end this here in hopes that I
Will one day conquer my fears,
And be able to show one little child
That there IS hope, and no more tears.

Written by Mary G.©







20 comments:

Anonymous Drifter said...

(((( Mary )))) I hope one day that little girl finds peace.

Mary said...

Thanks Anonymous, so do I....take care hugss

Jess said...

With God...there is hope and peace. And only throuh Him willyou be set free from the hurt, anger, frustration, raw pain, memories, and even hatred.

Praying for you.

Love, Jess

Marj aka Thriver said...

I think that you DO show that little girl there is hope by your strength in sharing and finding your voice, in speaking up, etc. Those are things that so many people NEVER do! Safe hugs ((((((((Mary))))))))

Patricia Singleton said...

Marj is right. With every word that you speak about the abuse and the pain, you are giving that little girl her voice. For your voice is her voice. It takes much courage to do this.

When I first started working on my incest issues in a counseling group, a friend gave me a teddy bear as a gift. For the comfort of my own inner child, I slept with that teddy bear for at least 2years or more. My husband was a sweetheart and didn't make fun of me once for sleeping with that teddy bear. There is hope for healing.

Tracy said...

Hugs Mary.

Dr. Deb said...

As usual, your writing moves me.

healandforgive said...

Mary,

Thank you for allowing us to "touch" your soul.

Your poems are a beacon of hope and validation for other survivors and a strong voice calling attention to the injustice of child abuse.

I know you will find peace some day.

I hope you will consider submitting this poem to the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse.

Love,
Nancy

Marj aka Thriver said...

Thinking of you.

healandforgive said...

Mary, Thank you for submitting this poem to The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse!

little sheep said...

Mary, i really liked this poem. i'm not very good at leaving comments, but i just wanted to say that it touched my heart.

LS

Marj aka Thriver said...

Mary: thanks for letting us use this wonderful poem for The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I think you express so well what other survivors may not yet have the voice for.

SapphireDreams said...

I recently started working on my past with a therapist. I hope I can find peace within one day too. There is hope for healing.

Rising Rainbow said...

Peace is possible. Keep giving that child her voice and caring for her and you'll find it, I'm sure.

Faith Hoffen said...

Great poem!

Anonymous said...

Hi -

I was wondering if you would add my blog to your blogroll? It is about my own therapy-related experiences . . . thank you in advance!

- Marie
http://mmaaggnnaa.wordpress.com/

Marie said...

Mary, this poem moved me in so many ways. I too have felt some of the emotions expressed here. Well done!

mile191 said...

This is beautiful. Thank you for submitting. I plan to use parts of it and link to you for their reading in entirety. I hope that is okay. Really touching, I am trembling. Thank you for being so brave.

VICKI IN AZ said...

Mary,
This is a beautiful poem.
You are very brave.
Much affection to you and to that little girl who lives within you.
Vicki

Anonymous said...

I wanted to say that your poems are amazing, moving and so very powerful. Your words truely come not just from the heart but from your soul.

Take care and safe hugs