The Blog Farm

The Blog Farm

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


BUT I'M JUST A LITTLE GIRL


She listens for his footsteps
As she lay in bed at night,
Her pounding heart is what she hears
Her fists are clenched so tight.


She feels his presence close to her
She knows he's by her side,
She knows what will happen next
She wishes she could die.


He slips his hand inside her shirt
She cringes deep inside,
Her spirit's gone forever now
She crawls inside and hides.


He fondles her as she lay still
She wants to scream and shout,
What makes him do these awful things
What brought it all about?


She waits for him to go away
So she could finally sleep,
Her pillow is her comfort zone
She buries her face and weeps.


She buries everything deep inside
She mustn't make a peep,
Self esteem does not exist
Her pain is oh so deep.


Who will come to rescue her
To save her from abuse?
No-one comes at any time
Oh what, oh what's the use.


She cries alone in silence
So that no-one could ever see,
The look of fear upon her face
She wishes she were free.


Free from all the loneliness
Free from the abuse,
Free to stand up for herself
Oh God what is the use.


She's sure it must have been her fault
To let him have his way,
With all the hurtful things he did
Day after day after day


But who would believe her story
They would say she made it up,
Wanting to get attention
For all this stupid stuff.


She cringes as he grabs her
And presses her to him
Her mind she lets to wander
So what he's doing seems very dim.


He asks her if she likes it
What is she suppose to say?
She wishes he would hurry up
Then maybe he'd go away.


She carries this awful secret
And pretends that all is good,
She goes about her daily life
As any good daughter would.


She hates herself for what he did
To her all through those years,
The guilt she feels keeps pouring in
There are still so many tears.


Those many years of silence
Hurt her deep within her heart,
How does she manage to forgive someone
Who tore her all apart?


His life is almost over now
But that doesn't change the fact,
That he did these awful things to her
Those horrid despicable acts.


She tries so hard to let it go
But visions they always creep,
Inside her head to play again
The pain is oh so deep.


How does she win this battle
When will it ever end?
That little girl is all grown up
There's a message she must send.


A message that he can't hurt her now
It happened so long ago,
She has to let it lay to rest
So she can move on and grow.


I am that little girl you see
Who fights this demon still,
I don't know how to stop the pain
Or if I have the will.


I pray that I will have the strength
To keep bad thoughts at bay,
To sweep them up and throw them out
It is the only way.


If I were able to erase
The memories from deep inside,
And show that little girl in me
That she need not fear or hide.


I will try my best to protect her
To keep her close to me,
To let her know our lives are one
That one day she'll be set free.


Free from all the torment,
That eats away inside,
To finally close this chapter
Of the life that she did hide.


I will close the door so gently
And throw away the key,
So the little girl within me
Will hopefully be set free.

written by Mary G. ©

17 comments:

Strong and determined said...

Mary,

Just wanted to send hugs and concern your way. I can so relate to your poetry - but it is very hard to read too. I am doing a lot of work with my therapist to help the little girl inside me to feel safe, and finally allow her to express all of those repressed feelings. Maybe your poetry is your way of doing that.

Hope you know how many people care about you. :)
Rebecca

Anonymous Drifter said...

You have so much strength inside. I pray that you can find a measure of peace in knowing that you can no longer be hurt by this man. My God, what you've endured.

Hopefulsl said...

Mary, you sure have a way of reaching out to people. Beautifully done i may say, but i say this with a tear, and wonder like you do on how somebody can do such acts to a innocent child!!!
I hope you can throw that key away someday and be free from all of these horrible feeling inside you...
I will be praying for you.
Hugs and Blessings sent your way>>>>>
Hang in there my friend,
Love,Stacy

Lynn said...

Not your fault, Mary - not the abuse OR the flashbacks.

Something that helps me sometimes - Where is your anger? How DARE he touch that little child!!

Disillusioned said...

I can relate too - but find it hard to read. Hugs for you and your little girl inside.

Tamara said...

Mary,

I just want to hug the little girl and keep her safe. She didn't deserve any of this! I wish I could find a way to help you move through this pain and feel safety and peace.

You are in my thoughts. Sending strength and hugs.
Tamara

Sandy said...

beautiful

laurie said...

hey lady, i love this one, and cannot begin to express how deeply it touched me!know that i love you, and i am always here my friend!
always,
Laurie

laurie said...

hey lady..i love this poem,and i cannot begin to express how deeply this moved me. know i am always here for you, and i love you my friend!
always,
Laurie

Deb said...

She is already on her way.

Keep writing, sharing and believing in yourself.

Tracy said...

Your words bring forth a story so sad, i want to reach out and hug that little girl. (((Hugs you))))

Wanda's Wings said...

This story sound like the start of my abuse. I sorry your child inside is so sad and hurt. I'm sorry there where dads like this.

jumpinginpuddles said...

thankyou for all your support on our blog and in our life

Tamara said...

Mary,

Haven't heard anything from you in a while. Just wanted to check and make sure that you are doing okay. Please email me if you want desiretoheal@gmail.com.

Hope all is okay and you are just taking a rest.

Hugs,
Tamara

Tracy said...

Mary i cry knowing that you have these memories. I wish i could take them all away from you. The poem is a strong one. Very heartfelt, and many will relate with it unfortuantly.

Sorry i have not been around to visit much. I havent forgotten about you. I have been so crazy insane trying to get so much done. Between launching a new site to sell my art, and hosting classes at my house as well as getting ready for company, my head is spinning. Things will calm soon. I will be able to catch up with all then.

Hugs and blessings.

Dorothy said...

Mary, I haven't had a lot of energy so my time here has been less then I'd like. I hope your alright the poem is so powerful and sad. I'm hoping your alright.

let me know please. I'm trying to get caught up on my blog..and hope this week I'll get caught up. Someone hacked me last week and shut us down. This after we changed our page and had technical problems while adjusting our page. So hope to hear from you..

Dorothy from grammology
http://grammology.com

Hopefulsl said...

Hey, I'm starting to get worried about you. It has been a month since you posted anything. Are you doing o.k??? Please let me know, and if not i will be praying for you anyway.
May God be with you in this time of need!!!! I really do hope you and yours are doing o.k.....
((((Hugs)))) & Blessings My Friend!
Love,Stacy