BUT I'M JUST A LITTLE GIRL


She listens for his footsteps
As she lay in bed at night,
Her pounding heart is what she hears
Her fists are clenched so tight.


She feels his presence close to her
She knows he's by her side,
She knows what will happen next
She wishes she could die.


He slips his hand inside her shirt
She cringes deep inside,
Her spirit's gone forever now
She crawls inside and hides.


He fondles her as she lay still
She wants to scream and shout,
What makes him do these awful things
What brought it all about?


She waits for him to go away
So she could finally sleep,
Her pillow is her comfort zone
She buries her face and weeps.


She buries everything deep inside
She mustn't make a peep,
Self esteem does not exist
Her pain is oh so deep.


Who will come to rescue her
To save her from abuse?
No-one comes at any time
Oh what, oh what's the use.


She cries alone in silence
So that no-one could ever see,
The look of fear upon her face
She wishes she were free.


Free from all the loneliness
Free from the abuse,
Free to stand up for herself
Oh God what is the use.


She's sure it must have been her fault
To let him have his way,
With all the hurtful things he did
Day after day after day


But who would believe her story
They would say she made it up,
Wanting to get attention
For all this stupid stuff.


She cringes as he grabs her
And presses her to him
Her mind she lets to wander
So what he's doing seems very dim.


He asks her if she likes it
What is she suppose to say?
She wishes he would hurry up
Then maybe he'd go away.


She carries this awful secret
And pretends that all is good,
She goes about her daily life
As any good daughter would.


She hates herself for what he did
To her all through those years,
The guilt she feels keeps pouring in
There are still so many tears.


Those many years of silence
Hurt her deep within her heart,
How does she manage to forgive someone
Who tore her all apart?


His life is almost over now
But that doesn't change the fact,
That he did these awful things to her
Those horrid despicable acts.


She tries so hard to let it go
But visions they always creep,
Inside her head to play again
The pain is oh so deep.


How does she win this battle
When will it ever end?
That little girl is all grown up
There's a message she must send.


A message that he can't hurt her now
It happened so long ago,
She has to let it lay to rest
So she can move on and grow.


I am that little girl you see
Who fights this demon still,
I don't know how to stop the pain
Or if I have the will.


I pray that I will have the strength
To keep bad thoughts at bay,
To sweep them up and throw them out
It is the only way.


If I were able to erase
The memories from deep inside,
And show that little girl in me
That she need not fear or hide.


I will try my best to protect her
To keep her close to me,
To let her know our lives are one
That one day she'll be set free.


Free from all the torment,
That eats away inside,
To finally close this chapter
Of the life that she did hide.


I will close the door so gently
And throw away the key,
So the little girl within me
Will hopefully be set free.

written by Mary G. ©