I CAN'T GIVE UP

This is for all the victims out there, who want so much to be a survivor...It will happen for you, I promise one day it will.....

I CAN'T GIVE UP

Torturous images brought my world to a halt

So many years of heartache, reliving the abuse,

Trying so hard to hang onto something concrete

But often just feeling "oh what is the use."

My mind in a haze not knowing what to do

Give up, and let my abuser be king,

Or fight for my life, to live and stand strong

But so many visions in my eyes, with tears that sting.

I want to be a survivor

And hold my head up high,

To make my heart feel love within

No more tears that make me cry.

So I can't give in, I need to stay strong

Release the past, tell my inner child evil is done,

Gently I whisper and hold her so tight

Soon we will be strong enough to be one.

written by Mary Graziano 

August 10, 2012

CHILDHOOD VICTIMS AND SURVIVORS OF ABUSE

We as childhood victims and survivors of abuse are often caught in a trap of living in the past because we can't escape the horrendous things done to us, and often don't know how to live a life of being free from our abusers. But with help from a therapist we can begin to understand that it will get better and I can attest to that. I have struggled long and hard but with my therapists help and the love and support from this group I have been able to finally move on and have started to leave the past behind to a certain extent.

It's not an easy thing for us to do and many victims are trapped in the deep abyss and can't release the "inner child that lives within us.The pain and sadness, the memories that we feel inside us belong to our "inner child."  Everything that happened to us is stored here with our "inner child," whether we remember it or not, it is there for safe keeping, perhaps for a time when the memories do come forth, a time when we are able to handle those memories, then this is the time that we are able to process what happened to us, our minds are telling us it is okay, we are safe now, and our minds bring the memories forward for us to accept.  

Our "inner children" have been hurt, wounded beyond a doubt.  Some children are very sensitive to what has happened or just sensitive in general, and when a tragic event has happened to them, they are not able to handle this.  They shut down, withdraw within themselves.  I know that I was and still am very sensitive.  When I was hurt as that small child, sexually, physically, and emotionally, I kept everything inside myself, for the most part of my life. I cringed when my mother spoke to me, wondering what was coming next.  I shut down, when my father sexually abused me, tried to take myself away while it happened, but for the most part this never happened, I stayed in the present, frozen, to let him do whatever he wanted to me. 

In adulthood, we feel the pain from our childhood, never forgetting what it has done to us..Sometimes an event can happen that triggers the memories or flashbacks, 

 Often times we just want to give up because we feel that it is hopeless. But we can't give into our abusers, we can't let them win we must fight for all it is worth to get out of the "chains" that bind us to our abusers.

We can make a positive step by beginning our journey out from the negative and start by saying "I am alive, I have gotten away from the monster who stole my childhood from me, these are positive steps toward our healing. This step took me a very long time to even comprehend and I still struggle with it even today. Some days are going to be worse than others as we struggle to with flashbacks and triggers that will affect us in our everyday lives.

To think positive is to gain strength within ourselves. We can gain gratitude in realizing that we have become a stronger person because of what we went through, we have survived. I know that many will not think that to be abused in the horrific way that stole our childhood, our dignity, our self worth, our self esteem, how can we be grateful and positive? But we can if only in baby steps to start out with, thank God that you made it out alive where many didn't many have died and didn't have the chance to be free. I never thought of it this way at first but now I can see how true this statement is. I want to be free, I don't want to be caught in the trap of being in the past and letting my abuser win. This is a positive step a journey of healing and you can do this also if you want it bad enough. Yes, what happened to us was deplorable something that we wouldn't wish on our worse enemy, but we can learn from this that we can release ourselves, release that inner child within us tell her/him that he can't hurt her/him anymore, but if you still want to live in the past then you are not moving forward, you are not taking that first step in you're healing and all you will have in you're life I,s the negativity that comes from the abuser who controls you, you are again trapped inside yourself.

Baby steps with positives thoughts and gratitude, you are alive, you are a survivor and have made it. Don"t let them win and take over that inner child within you because if you do you will never be set free. I pray that you will begin your journey to the positive, to gain strength in knowing that you can start and let go of the past. God bless you all.

ABUSE IT SHATTERS ALL CHILDREN

Sitting by the window

With a glazed look in her eyes,

Watching children playing

Their laughter makes her cry.

Wishing she was out there

To play amongst her friends,

But mommy keeps her hidden

For the bruises, they must mend.

Abuse, it shatters all children

We often don't hear them cry,

I silently let it all happen

And many times I wished I did die.

No love did I feel, it was lonely

So many children feel this too,

Can't cry, that would make it so ugly

So stay silent, that was my only cue!!

I wish I could free all the children

Who live daily with issues of abuse,

Take them far from the clutches of all monsters

Who raped them and wouldn't set them loose.

How I cry when I think back to my childhood

How forlorn and lost was I,

Still reminded of this torment

My eyes they sometimes still cry.

To think back at myself at the window

Wanting so much to go out and play,

How many more children still do this

Dear God keep them safe, I do pray.

Hush,, my sweet innocent children

God has a plan for each of you,

God's plan for me was to help others

And now His plan it has finally come true.

Just remember to trust in our Father

He is Our Saviour, our Guiding light,

Together we will take down the evil

By standing tall, we will fight for our rights.

Written by Mary Graziano

August 12, 2012

MY WISH FOR ABUSED CHILDREN

If I could be an angel

I would set all children free,

Wipe away their tears from their cheeks so soft

And keep them close to me.

I would seal away the darkness

From the memories from all abuse,

Take away the shame they feel inside

That keeps them constricted as if in a noose.

Show them the love that eluded them

Give them hugs that they so deserve,

And create a world of happiness

Because life threw them such a curve.

But how can I be that angel

How can I set the children free,

How can I protect and keep them

Safe from harm and close to me.

I pray that God will hear me

And send His guidance from above,

Some protection that will keep them safe

And shower them with much love.

This is my wish for all children

And I hope one day it will come true,

But I am only one person

But I hope others will see my view.

All the abused and neglected children in the world need us to show them that we are trying so hard to protect and save them from their lives from abuse. We can't hide, and pretend that it's not happening, it happened to us, to me, and I don't want another child to have to go through the horrendous things that some had to endure during their childhood. We need to let the world know that its our duty as adults to let the children be heard, and shout it out for all to hear that abuse of any kind is wrong, so wrong. Just think that right this minute a child is being abused, physically, emotionally, sexually, and some are even murdered or never found. Can you hide from this? Can you bury your head in the sand and pretend it didn't happen? I know I can't I was that child many years ago, and incest survivor, a survivor from physical and emotional abuse, I can't hide and turn the other way and pretend it didn't happen. We need to speak out and protect the children of our future, so that abuse will hopefully one day be eradicated, that is my wish for all children of abuse.

Written by Mary Graziano August 12, 2012