Beautiful artwork by my friend Michal Madison© www.MichalMadisonArt.com

YOU ARE WORTH IT

Like the beautiful rose

Blooming in all its glory

Petals spread wide to be free

To explode with confidence

With its hues so proud, 
Watch how it flourishes

Be like that rose, shine brightly

No doubts, no putting yourself down

You deserve so much more

Believe in you, you are worth it

Respect yourself and 
Soar to new heights.

You may fall, but rise back up again

Your closing chapter has an ending, yes,

But that ending to your story

Has a new beginning

Because you are beautiful.
~YOU ARE WORTH IT ~

©Mary Graziano

May, 2013

Title and Artwork by Michal Madison©

www.MichalMadisonArt.com

SHADOWS OF THE PAST

Beautiful artwork by my wonderful Friend Michal Madison
www.MichalMadisonArt.com
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THE BALLERINA

Beautiful Watercolour Painting by my fabulous friend
Michal Madison
www.MichalMadisonArt.com

SILENCE HELD ME PRISONER

As a child I suffered in silence, drawn into a web that held me so tight, there was no escaping the clutches of my abusers.  Thinking back, I can now see that he controlled me by being the "good guy" while my mother was the disciplinarian.  He would be there for me, giving me the hugs which I never ever remember getting from my mother.  But his love wasn't the right kind of love.  Now as the adult I know that, but as a child I didn't.  It felt good to be loved, even though it led to abuse.  I for so long blamed myself for letting this happen.

As children, we are forced into silence, forced to be quiet because if we told, and I thought this as a child that I would be sent back to the orphanage, and I didn't want to go back.  I also didn't want to break up the family unit.  I would be blamed for all of this.

I lived my whole life pretending that we had a wonderful family life, that
nothing ever went wrong.  Everyone on the outside looking in saw that our family was a good strong family, parents taking us to church on Sunday.  Little did everyone know that it was all a lie.  That evil lived inside.  The only person who really loved me I think was my grandmother.  She was my salvation whenever she came over to our house she would always give me hugs and love me.  Those were the hugs I longed for, the ones I never ever got.  How I miss her.

My father controlled me letting me think that he really loved me, but that was just all a ploy.  He used me as his toy, because if he cared for me like a father was suppose to care for their child, he would never have sexually abused me.  Looking back I see how quiet and somber I was as a child.  Quite, sitting rocking back and forth, something I still do to this day.

I still think about when my father was dying from Alzheimers.  Was this his punishment?  I often wonder.  But I still wonder why, when he was in palliative care, that I had to stay every night in his room.  I slept there, then went home showered and changed for work.  I did this for 3 weeks.  For some reason, I just didn't want him to die alone.  I still don't get it.  My family didn't get it.  Even though I haven't forgiven him, I just had to be there.  He never ever did say "I'm sorry."  My mother never ever knew. 

Today, I am a survivor and am proud to be able to say that.  I have come a long way through therapy with a fantastic therapist, who helped me so much, and I know she reads my blog so thank you  for all your kindness and hard work we did together.  I am a better person today because of it, and because of so many other caring friends and family who were and still are here for me.  Abuse hurts a life time, but we can overcome it and leave our past where it belongs, in the past, and move on to our tomorrows.....~mg~ ©