The Blog Farm

The Blog Farm

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

SUNFLOWER SUNRISE

SUNFLOWER SUNRISE

The sunflower, a flower of beauty
raising its head up towards the rising sun.
Feeling warmth as it proudly displays petals
with vibrant hues of yellow, imitating the sun.

Each petal looking like rays of sunshine,
to brighten your day, helping to evoke feelings
of warmth inside, of joy, inspiration,
leaving you with a feeling of hope.

Standing tall, the sunflower ~ proud, creating a place for itself,
not worrying about what others think.
Its symbol being FAITH ~ faith in itself, giving
it the strength to hold its head up high.

Be like the sunflower, never wane, become that individual
with aspirations, fulfilling every dream,
leaving yesterday behind, building your tomorrows,
becoming proud ~ never let the past influence or degrade.

Reach for the light; take hold of all positives,
discard any negatives, letting the shadows of the sun
sweep away your past, and all that hurts.
Stay strong ~ be strong ~ be like the “Sunflower Sunrise.”

Poetry by Mary Graziano ©
Revised, August24, 2014
Watercolour painting and title
“SUNFLOWER SUNRISE” by
Michal Madison ©
www.michalmadisonart.com
"Hope is like the sun, which,
as we journey toward it,
casts the shadow of
our burdens behind us."
Samuel Smiles (Scottish author 1812-1904)

"Sunflower Sunrise"
watercolor by Michal Madison
www.MichalMadisonArt.net/galleries.html

Thursday, July 17, 2014


     Loving ourselves is something that we find hard to do.  So often we are only thinking of the negative things about ourselves.  What about the positives?  If you stop and think for on minute of one positive, one thing you have done, then you can start doing this every day.  Push aside the negative thinking.  Be happy in who you are.  We are not perfect no-one is, and if anyone tells you that they are, then they are only fooling themselves.  Your thoughts are what keeps you either feeling good about yourself or upset, angry with yourself.  How many times do we tell ourselves we are not worthy, are stupid etc.  Really start thinking about what you say to you, then try and turn it around.

     Life throws curves at us all the time.  Life is not easy, but we have to make the best of it.  We don't live in a perfect world, these curves along the way can help you grow, help you become a better YOU.  Let go of the "what ifs" we all do it, but does it get us anywhere?  Thinking or dreaming of a better life, won't get you there, you have to have to do it, act on it.  How else are you going to achieve it.

     By loving yourself, others will become to love you.  Loving yourself, helps you to love others because if you don't know how to love, how can you love another person?  We all make mistakes, that's how we learn, but when we put ourselves down for what we did wrong, we are only hurting ourselves.  Others can walk away from us when they hear our negativity, but we can never walk away.  We are it., we live with ourselves, we need to love who you are inside, in your soul, reach deep, tell yourself how awesome you really are.  I know how hard this is to do, I find it hard to love myself.

     Being a survivor of child abuse, it is often ingrained in us that we are not worthy, we are nothing.  We believe it, and live it everyday.  But it is not true.  I realize now that I'm not stupid, I can achieve anything I set my mind to.  Living in fear during my childhood and teen years takes your self-esteem down to the very bottom of that abyss, leaves you stranded in the negative thoughts.  I wondered what I ever did wrong, why I was being punished.  I believed all the things said to me, but you know, it wasn't true.  We were fed lies, we were abused, and felt we deserved it.  The abuser was the one that took away our inner self.  Now we need to find it again, and it all comes down to learning to love ourselves.

     That little child in each of us suffered tremendously, locked her/himself up tightly, to keep safe, but didn't feel love for themselves from others.  That continued on as we grew.  I never saw the potential inside myself to be who I wanted to be.  To succeed in my dreams.  I always wanted to be a nurse, but was told that I wasn't smart enough.  I couldn't go on to University or collage, so I struggled though high school, got my diploma and went out and found a job.  Nursing was pushed out of my mind.  Today, I know I could have done it, but it took all these years to really realize that I shouldn't have listened, I should have at least tried, and if I didn't succeed, then that was my decision to at least try.  Now I regret it so much.


     To learn to really love ourselves, we need to reach our inner child, it all starts there.  We need to be gentle with her/him, and by doing that we are being gentle with ourselves.  Take the time to sit when all is quiet, talk to your inner child, say loving things to them.  Your inner child hasn't heard kind words, praise, those are words that are not in their vocabulary.  But by doing that we are acknowledging our own person, our adult self.  You will start to realize that being kind to your own self, will start to make you feel a warmth inside.  Compassion for others is so easy for us to show, but to show that same compassion for ourselves, is foreign to us.

     Loving ourselves is hard work, loving that inner child is hard to do also.  Many may not even believe that our inner child exists, but they are there, just hidden away until someone comes and sets them free.  Frightened by the past, they are insecure, unloved and feel abandoned.  And as our adult selves we feel that also.  We may push it away and think everything is fine, and on the outside to others, it may seem fine, but if you really thing about it, is it?  To most others, I seem perfectly fine, happy, content with  myself, laughing, but inside my gut feelings are still hidden away.  For the most part I have opened up and let most of those feelings out, but I still hold many inside.  Why? because I think I still am not loving enough of me.  Sometimes I don't care about my feelings, I don't care enough to do something about it.  But I need to care about me first, and we all need to.  Today, I try and be more positive with myself, sometimes I fail at it, but I am trying and that is all that matters.  My inner child, at most feels happier today than she ever has.  She is no longer hidden, no longer afraid to venture outside her "box" and can smile, laugh, but also has those dark days, where she wants to stay hidden.  I have and we all have those days, but its just a day, because tomorrow comes along, and can change that mindset, to a positive one.  Each day will never be the same as the day before.  We as adults need to stop letting others tell making our decisions for us, it's time for us to make our own decisions, our own goals.  It's our choice not theirs.  You decide what you want in life, and you decide if you want to love yourself or keep on hating yourself ~ One thing I know is that we are all worth it, we are uniquely our own person, so accept it ~

     Love who you are....Give yourself a hug, tell yourself you matter, first, second and third..

Monday, June 2, 2014

OUR INNER CHILD

OUR INNER CHILD

Our inner child is that small child inside each of us left behind, too afraid to be her/his self.  Abuse stole the abilities for us to really play.  To be ourselves.  We held back. Giving in to the demands of our abuser. Knowing that our lives were no longer ours.  We hid in the background in the deep abyss of our souls.

On the outside, I pretended that all was great within my life.  But deep inside, I felt empty.  My inner child was lost.  The only time I felt a little bit of reprieve was being outside with my friends.  There I was able to play.  I was free from the clutches of my abusers. Away from the verbal assaults and the physical pain of the hitting that I had to endure.

My inner child was able to have some hours of fun.  But, once inside the house she hid away.  Refusing to come out.  My somber look took over my expressions.

Our inner child is sensitive, delicate.  Needs to feel love.  To know that their feelings matter in order to feel alive.  When those feelings are "shot down," not being able to speak and be heard, only told to "shut up," of course they will shut down. Becoming invisible. Crawling deep inside the abyss where they feel safe from the hurtful words, physical attacks and of course, definitely from incest and sexual abuse.

We were children and as children had no rights according to our abusers.  We fell silent. Giving in to what the abuser did and wanted from us.  We felt guilty, ashamed, crying ourselves to sleep at night.  Hoping and praying that no-one came into our rooms.  Our inner child was frozen in time not able to move on.

As we became adults, that little girl or boy is still there, waiting, but no-one listens.  Stuck inside an "adult world."   If we haven't connected with her/him, they are still hiding away in the shadows of our soul.  Afraid and alone.  We continue on with our lives, but the past is still attached to our subconscious. Even though we may think that we are free from it all. But through our actions, not even really knowing it, we are hurting.  We may revert to drug use, etc. Our world was shattered and by acting out or hiding inside ourselves, that was our way of sorting through our feelings.

For myself, I chose to be a quiet person.  Holding my feelings inward.  Too afraid to show them or act upon them.  I knew the consequences if I did something and got caught doing it.  That is how afraid I was of my mother.   Now, I can speak, I don't have to hide in fear.  I have started reconnecting with my inner child.  She is showing her true colours.  She has survived. Now can come out and play freely outside that "box" so to speak.  Sometimes there is resistance from her, but by speaking softly, telling her the past is now gone, she realizes she is now safe. She watches with interest seeing that it is a safe environment to venture forward.

Coming together as one is instrumental in our own healing journey.  I hope that this blog post can help others understand that little child that may be hiding inside of you, afraid and alone, is free to explore outside of the deepest part of your soul.  Into the light.  Into a world that was hidden from her/him
for so many years ~

Mary Graziano ©
June 2, 2014

Thursday, May 22, 2014

I love the word "Mindset."  It says so much to us.  You can change your mindset, change it from fixed to growth.  But you have to want to change, you need to feel it inside of you.  Hope also is something that helps you move forward, but only if you change the mindset, and not stay in the fixed.

How many times have you thought of giving up?  Many of us have thought this way, often when we are at our lowest of lows, and we feel that we just can't go on any longer.  That, is your fixed mindset talking.  You have decided that you can't grow, move forward are "stuck."  Often as survivors of abuse, we feel this way for a long time, and fall into that rut, and it is so very hard to come out from it and move forward.  But we CAN'T give up says "Growth  mindset."  We can't give up on the hopes of a better tomorrow, the hopes of fulfilling our greatest potentials, to moving forward and surpassing what was.

You can choose that negative or fixed mindset or push on to that positive mindset and meet your challenges, and live to enjoy what you have missed.

We as survivors have met many challenges along our path of healing.  Hope gave us the chance, gave us the courage to face the past, encouraged us to move forward in our journey from the depths of despair and face our fears. That is what a survivor does, never gives up, uses a mindset of growth to achieve what they want in life.

Hope is God's unconditional love, helping us choose the right mindset.  Just like the butterfly on their long dauntless journey, they fought hard to travel the thousands of miles to reach their final destination. They used a mindset of growth knowing that they could achieve what they set out to do.  Close your eyes, envision the beautiful butterfly soaring high, exhausted, but pursuing their difficult challenges, never giving up.

Having the courage to go on, having hope, THAT gives us the will to fight, to never say ~"I CAN'T."  YES, YOU CAN!!!!  We are not called survivors for nothing.  God helped us get through the horrors of abuse.  He has a plan for each of us, some of us still not understanding what that plan is, but you will know when the time is right.  Sometimes I think that what I went through was for a reason, it was somehow meant to happen, as crazy as that sounds.  But to me if it never happened, I would not be doing what I am doing now...I would not be an independent advocate for abuse.   I would not be writing my poetry like I am.  We can look at it in a negative (fixed mindset) or in a positive (growth mindset).  The choice is yours, but I think looking at it as a positive, will help you get through your fears, get through the past that kept you trapped, and still keeps you trapped because you feel you can't get out from under it.

Hope is a miracle that gives us a reason to live.  Never ever give up, hope transcends all....As growth mindset says to fixed, "anything is possible if you believe."

FIXED OR GROWTH MINDSET

Fixed mindset,- powerful
But it can be changed
In so many ways
With hard work
Don't let anyone
Stop you.

Grow, move forward
Don't be afraid,
Mindset that is fixed
Will make you feel
Unworthy, trapped
Within yourself.

Your abilities won't grow
Achieve with success,
If you keep your mind fixed
Feeling what a loser you are
Your mind will no longer think,
You're stuck tightly in that rut.

Growth mindset is
So very important,
Boosting your morale
There is so much
You can achieve,
Nothing is ever impossible.

I can't do it,
Fixed mindset does say,
Growth mindset says
There is no such word,
Anything is possible
If you truly BELIEVE~~~

Mary Graziano ©
May 22, 2014


Sunday, May 4, 2014

Child Inside





CHILD INSIDE

I have a tiny child inside
Who so badly is wanting
To come out,
But when she feels
She has the courage
She retreats, still too afraid,
I need to try and convince her
 The numbness, 
And the fear she feels
 No longer can keep her prisoner,
Now is her chance to let it go.

The past is gone, it's time
To move forward
As I whispered and 
Called her name,
Come play with me
Let's have some fun, 
Experience laughter
Like a little child should,
All that happiness which had
Been squandered, 
Leaving you so unfulfilled.

Slowly the door from the inside
Creaks open, as she takes a peek,
Unsure, but as 
Curiosity takes over
Her green eyes brighten
To see her adult self,
Warmly, I say I love you
As she smiles, I return her gaze,
 There is so much love
Flowing between us
Tears well up inside my eyes.

Gently, I embrace her warmly
 I can feel the love 
That was amiss for too long,
She's blooming just like a flower
Finally free to see the light
 That for a time was so foreboding
How proudly she takes a stand,
Just like each petal on the flower
Happily displaying its own true self
Endearingly we come together
Never again, will we ever part.

Mary Graziano ©
May 4, 2014
Title "Child Inside"
And watercolour 
By Michal Madison
Copyright 2014
Visit www.MichalMadisonArt.net
To purchase art, 10% of every sale
Is donated to ending child abuse.